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Talk:Akane Mizu/@comment-5053045-20121228195913
Okay, now for an actual critique. I'm not particularly fond of her background. Its very tragic, and I highly recommend you consider changing it a little. Just a little. :3 Specifically the parts where it mentions how miserable she was, that's a dead giveaway. (And just to clarify, she went from Kumogakure to Amegakure to Konohagakure and finally to Team Taka? ) An electric guitar? What does that have to do with anything? Bi-polar, eh? (referring to her "Red Death.") Reminds me of Jūgo. And its adding insult to injury that she even joined the same team that he's on. (One question, why did Sasuke want her on the team anyway...? He only ever took people that were affiliated with Orochimaru, and I don't see any sort of that on here....Unless she begged him to join. Which is rather Mary-Sueish, just saying.) The way you described her seems a bit Mary-Sueish. This can easily be fixed if you just put something like "Kurono is a tall and dark-skinned woman of slender build with black mid-back length hair that has red fringes." That could be the first line. Its so much easier and it saves the trouble of the reader rolling their eyes when they read how unnecessarily beautiful she is. Also, her cup size honestly didn't need to be mentioned...Her appearance should be based entirely on fact, not opinion. (Referring to "She has cut her hair to shoulder length, liking her new style better.") Her abilities are very....superfluous. So she was supposedly a "Dead-Last" and yet she started out having mastered a difficult water-type ninjutsu and having mastered the art of kenjutsu? And let's not forget her proficiency in extreme speed/strength, her having mastered the use of weaponry, and discovering her usefulness in Wind release AND Ice Release (which, BY THE WAY, is a kekkai-genkai belonging to the Yuki clan.) I've already spoken to you about her own kekkei-genkai, the so called "Mikono," but I have to add that it really is too much. For example, "It allows the user to have a higher control of water as well as to control blood. Under the full moon, the Mikono can reach its full power and allows the user to control a subject like a puppet against their will," is just not going to cut it, ESPECIALLY with all of her other abilities to add onto it. Her name meaning is a bit...dark. Its rather unfitting for this particular anime. One last thing. I'm afraid I will not allow her to be on Team 7. That sort of thing bends the canon and frankly it is very Mary-Sueish. Every team requires one Jonin teacher (of either gender) one female student and two other male students. That's it, and there are no exceptions. And I don't want to hear "well what about when Sasuke leaves..-?" because Sai replaces him. I'm not trying to sound rude, dear, but I have to get that point across to you. Well, that was all. If you look into those and fix them up, I'm sure she'll be a wonderful character! <3 Happy oc'ing! n_n